I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
