I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
