Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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