Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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