walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
