I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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