He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
