we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Randomize
