I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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