I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
