Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
