do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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