i think my mom watched the whole time
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
