bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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