Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
