Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
