When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
