yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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