@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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