Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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