dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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