only you would photoshop your dick
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
