I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
