3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
