Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
