Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
