STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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