make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What a dumb baby whore.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
