he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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