youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
