I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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