I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
