i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
