How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
