whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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