Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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