Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You were trust falling into bushes
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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