I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
