just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
