Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
