So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
