I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
