my vag is so smooth its legendary
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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