Whod you bang
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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