wrigley field is MILF paradise
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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