The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
