omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
