your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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