I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
