4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
