Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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