i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
