yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
