i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
