Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
